Match Report
Sunday 5 May –v- Northdowns and Matfield at Matfield Green
The well-oiled machine that had roared into life on the opening day of the season, resumed at a stutter, with the return of the 'Radical One'. Billy’s late arrival, albeit completely the fault of Carol, meant a far from leisurely drive was necessary, to make the 2.30 start. Bill, driving with no regard for the safety of either his fellow passengers or other road users, had arrived in good time within a mile of the ground, whence he decided to take the more scenic country lanes route for the remainder of the journey. This sparked Timmo in a following car to completely lose it, necessitating him to leap from the vehicle and rap aggressively on Bill’s window, before launching into a tirade of abuse concerning our chosen route. Visibly shaken at events several of the side retreated to the cosy confines of The Wheelwrights, from where we learnt of Northdowns decision to bat. HB and NWB were far more threatening than at Brasted, on a pitch that seemed to have something in it for everyone; must be why everyone except "Big Arse" got a bowl. The oppo were sticking about far too long for Bill’s liking and the call soon went out for the introduction of The Detroit Spinners. In a short period of time the wile and cunning, that are a hallmark of their bowling, had ripped into the oppo middle order, rewarding Schultz,Whale and Timms with a brace apiece. Denied his share of the spoils, through the reoccurrence of his "Oh dear I'm getting taken to the cleaners knee injury", Chris was carried unceremoniously to the care of our resident Nursing Sister’s(when they had finished their cosy chat). Underlying amidst what on paper appeared a good fielding display was an unusual sense of lethargy and over-confidence(something rarely associated with Crusader teams).To make matters worse we had to endure a Carousel of equipment swapping to enable Bill to deliver one of the worst overs ever witnessed, in an effort to promote Northdowns score to chasable proportions. The tea interval was dominated by events involving a larger ball-still there’s more to life than Millwall eh Darkie!! Seriously they do come first.
Set a modest 129 for victory our reply came in carefree cavalier fashion; after three deliveries Steve had forced the field back on to the fence as he crashed successive boundaries. This proved the only highlight of a batting display of huge ineptitude. Only Bill, after Steve’s departure for a rapid 29,was prepared to dig in and compile an innings but this proved too little, as we fell 30 short of the target, perhaps missing the absence of Wilsdon and Himmler(but not necessarily in that order). The game was best forgotten and some shower room hi-jinx from GT at the expense of Nob and Baldy Man soon made you realise that there are more worrying things in life than cricket. Back at the Pub the darker side of the game reared its head, with an accusation of tea-towel theft levelled at Lardy Wilsdon. If we wanted the tea-towel we would have taken half the crockery and the urn for good measure!!! Fines were levied against Anna for not improvising on flat ground and Spud for impersonating Terry from Brookside.
