Match Report
Sunday 15 May –v- St. John & Seal at Seal CG
The following report was produced by Nick Manchip
Occasionally in history men talk about a great event, especially in sport. This weekend however, sport had naff all to do with it. Stand aside the events of the Stag Night, stand aside the escapades of other Gay Crusaders while I bring on the man; ‘the event of the moment’. Unfortunately there were but three witnesses, myself and two others. These will be the men who will talk for years to come of the event that set a precedent previously unknown to the Crusaders (nee Crusaders). Indeed it was the man Paul who, having offered his rum to the others (after taking a swig himself) proceeded to alter the face of Seal and the Interior of Mark – ‘I dropped a catch and sulked all day’ – Paine’s car, with a chunder to beat all others. And thus it was with vomit swilling around our feet and Austrian rum flowing amongst our heads that we proceeded home.
The End
Oh a sharp reminder that I'm writing a cricket report.
Meet was in the Sydney Arms.
A distinctive air of over confidence exuded; such remarks as ‘last year we saw them off all right, no reason not to do the same this year’. Or alternatively in the words of one Skip Whale ‘we’ll stuff the bastards again’, as he downed his sixth pint. There wasn't a worried member amongst us as we approached the ground, all six pints on and couldn't give a monkey’s.
And so we bowled; preceded obviously by a bout of American Aussie rules. In many a man's mind the Aussie rules should have continued as we struggled to whittle them out. The fielding was at its usual standard - crap. However, the bowling was reasonable and we had our first four wickets due to some dubious changes in bowling from our top men i.e. four show balls. Darren & Glen made their presence felt and again clocked up the positions for Man of the Match. Our new man Toby Manchip, made about as much impact on the day as Kenny Dalgleish had made on Wimbledon the previous day. Various post match discussions ranked him as a "see you next Tuesday" type! (Unprecedented in a Crusaders report, that’s what you get for victimising me!). Finally, doing them for 133 we realised in our condition that we had a lot to chase. This closes the fielding not forgetting Mark – ‘Oh I think I'll drop that one’ – Paine’s dropped catch. Enough said. Tea - fair, not up to Clare's standard (crawly crawly).
BATTING: Early order was obviously looking towards early doors - enough said. Complete embarrassment was avoided by Glen – Crusaders - Timms (Nee Gay) and a bit of Whaley help. It looked as though they might just be able to get us there, however a couple of extremely unfortunate balls got them out and left us not much hope, indeed the last man left the wicket with the score at 100. Mark Paine put in a lengthy innings for the second week in succession, much to the surprise of the team and the oppo, but we had lost.
First defeat of the season; The Landlord turned in the performance of the day in the Five Bells. However the Crusaders darts team were let down badly by Spud ‘I've got a winning set of darts’ Whale, and the appalling contributions of all involved.
SUMMARY: Best day of the season so far.
Pen Pictures
G.T. - Bowler, Batsman extraordinaire. What's he doing playing for us? Man of the Match.
S.W. - Sweating up in the paddock, showing uneasy signs of condition.
A.P. - VOM artist extraordinaire!
M.P. - Strangely enough drives a VOM filled Renault!
G.S. - Likes the - fielding or bowling - never batting!
N.C. - Fine wickie, shame about his brother, er I mean his foot.
S.L. - Relied on him - stupidly.
N. M. - Remarkable performance for a man who apparently had all of Holborn's black rum inside him the night before.
T.M. New recruit (see you next Tuesday).
N.M. Drunk more snakebite than he or anyone expected. (See you next Tuesday).
P.M. - Impeccable, shame he couldn't perform on the Dart board
Finally - credit to the scorer and the ladies who turned up as usual to support us.
Many thanks and who's paying you?
NIC
