Match Report
Sunday 3 May -v- St. John & Seal at Seal
Once again we met late, with the notable exception of Simon – rumoured to have been taken ill at the thought of buying a round – and Danny – replaced by Barry ‘my slapper won’t give head this week' Warne and Kevin Gibson. From the Cricketers we progressed via The Crown at Seal in our usual efficient organised manner, where we limbered up with some aggressive Aussie Rules much to the amusement of our opposition.
Basically we stuffed them. On a wet and windy day we again lost the toss and were asked to bat (their skipper had obviously made other arrangements for later in the afternoon). We had our usual solid start, with Mark and Gary getting God knows what (No scorebook) and Neil quadrupling his normal season’s average with one blow. Umpires Timms and Lewis were kept busy, raising the finger to Dead-Bat Daz and Neil, before Timms (20) buckled on his pads to save the day helped by Kev ‘Old Bastard’ Gibson (12). With little additional aid from the lower order our innings closed at 64. Meanwhile off the field Neil C was more concerned with stroking a little boy’s bottom and his brother was still sulking about his caught behind decision. Tea was taken and the team pondered the offer of early opening from the Landlord of the Five Bells. This invitation seemed to put extra zest into the opening attack, with Darren bowling superbly on and around the line of off stump and Glen putting it on the spot from the other end. Wickets fell at regular intervals, giving Neil the opportunity to ‘bum’ each bowler and with the help of some sake glovework from Gary we skittled them for 31.
Play was followed by another game of Aussie Rules, with Steve L taking great pleasure in punching ribcages and everyone enjoyed some ritualistic ‘Neil-beating’. Free grub in the Five Bells and Gary leaving early made for a very enjoyable evening.
Pen Pictures
Gary Chapman - Faked anger at getting out, as excuse for pathetic shot
Mark Paine - Still dreaming of humping donkeys, showing in his batting
Neil Chapman - Surprised all with six quick runs. Spent rest of day soliciting young children
DarrenMoyse - Brilliant performance from the author
Neil Morrison - Deservedly kneed in the ribs during Aussie rules for wearing coat while fielding.
Glen Timms - Held innings together with the fluency and timing of pregnant girl's period.
Kevin Gibson - Fine performance but pooped out in Aussie rules.
Steve Lewis - Showed more talent at Aussie rules. Still wore silly American football jacket.
Hanif Paul - Got out early as there was trouble at his corner shop.
Barry Warne - Fielded the ball once all day -unhappy at noise level in Bladindon Rd late on Sunday night.
