Match Report
Sunday 21 June -v- Oarolians Select XI at Goddington Park
As usual we arrived in dribs and drabs, this week at the Five Bells Chelsfield, apart from Glenn and Sharon who arrived breathless from the Five Bells Bromley. Why were they out of breath when Glenn's got a car? At 1.45 the prospects of victory looked pretty assured with the oppo numbering only three, but Micky 'Organisationitself' Moriarty made his customary black cab appearance, list in hand and you could sense that matters were in hand. Whilst Dave 'Things to do' Parker nipped to the ground to limber up, late arrivals Steve Martin and Dave Coombs achieved the more important feat of making last orders. Eventually the teams assembled at the Goddington Bowl; some even resembled cricketers. After some debate it was decided to dispense with the ritual complications of the toss-up and Moriarty speaking through an interpreter asked us to bat and having seen some of the antics of prospective Oarolians bowlers, I felt obliged to accept.
After midweek coaching at the Eltham Park Oval, newly promoted opener Neil Morrison confident of shaking off a sequence of disappointing scores took the field, accompanied by Nick Manchip (that’s how seriously we were taking it!!).After facing the first five balls confidently, Nick decided to keep the strike, unfortunately he omitted to tell Neil who was still tying his laces at the non-strikers end when Nick arrived. After some debate he was adjudged run out despite attempts by G.T. to fumble the ball. Next in was Chapman Jnr who achieved one more than his I.Q. before patting the ball to the waiting Coombs. Mark Paine, still recovering from his recent sex-change operation was having a fine day. He hadn’t put his finger up so much since playing with the donkeys at Brasted. Soon to follow were Gary C L.B.W. and Hugh bowled, five minutes after playing a shot for a majestic four, by the wily spin of Coombs. Meanwhile the score was mounting steadily, as were two young boys on the boundary. Dave Parker was keeping the crowd amused with some ridiculous fielding whilst showing his obvious use to the agricultural world, by furrowing the square with his nose. Moriarty, brought on to slow the strike rate down did just that, producing a wide variety of deliveries each as unhittable as the previous. With Nick and Kevin seemingly scoring at will the score reached 68 before Nick, hearing about jugs for fifty, decided to get out while the going was good. In went Gordon and then out went Gordon. In went Stuart then almost as quickly, he too returned. This brought the skip to the wicket, unfortunately he had partaken in a little too much homemade fare and the early stages of his innings were marred by mistimed shots including connection with a Micky Haines beamer with the back of his head. Sobering by the minute, he produced a melee of breathtaking shots before falling foul to the uneven pitch and some lucky bowling from Barry Wood. Steve Lewis and Old Bastard put on a few more, before Kevin got knackered and couldn’t be bothered to run. Timms discarded his wickey-gloves and threatened to go crazy, but got out instead, leaving, us all out for 105. Deciding against the break for tea, the O's started in determined fashion-determined to be in the pub by seven. Moriarty, looking as comfortable as Jesus on the cross was soon out to 'bottybandit' Chapman. Darren Smith after depositing Steve L for a six was next to go after he and Young Fletcher had threatened to cut loose. Coombs confused by Neil's googlies and Neil M back on a doggies chance added little to the total before their demise. Useful contributions from Parker (despite the brown stain in the back of his whites after the intro of Timms into the attack), Martin, Wood and Haines brought the scores close enough for the reintroduction of Timms and the subsequent end to the day’s play. The not out batswoman Karen Powis was left stranded just when it looked like she might win the game singlehanded. So with the tedious part of the day over we talked figures and analyses over tea before returning to the pub.
By the time we reached the pub the oppo had been whittled back to three with a few dashers. The rural peace of the Five Bells was shattered by some noisy and at times inept darts play as the Crusaders continued their domination of the days sporting events. Karen's homebrew was working its way rapidly through the digestive system producing some fascinating conversation. Eventually the crowd dispersed via the Bulls Head, where Sharon and Clare talked about ‘thingamejigs’ and laughed a lot, so we decided to leave.
Pen Pictures
Nick Manchip - Could have got fifty but didn’t want to buy a jug.
Neil Morrison - Helped the oppo more than us, threw a good dart (only one)
Hugh Gallagher - Hit a dashing four and occasionally bowled at the stumps
Kevin Gibson - Once again the mainstay of the innings
Stuart Boss - Confounded ail by taking a wicket during an extraordinary spell of bowling
Gordon Schultz – Achieved a Crusader first by getting a PAIR
Spud Whale - What can you say that hasn’t been said already?
Glen Timms - Once again a complete waste of time.
Steve Lewis - His days in the side must be numbered. Got hit for six and didn’t score a hundred
