Match Report
Thursday 7th July –v- Any Old Hirons (Greenwich Leisure) at Avery Hill Park (Ray Willis Trophy)
Once again the skip was faced with a selection crisis for this the most important midweek fixture so far. Steve L’s late withdrawal through not feeling gay enough left us with a makeshift nine to take on the hitherto unbeaten Any Old Hirons. As usual getting even a meagre nine to the ground on time proved problematic, with the late arrival of Darren and Mark making it imperative that the toss was won. Unbelievably the skip duly obliged and with little option elected to bat.
Gordon once again proved his worth as a midweek opener getting us off to a brisk start in tandem with Glenn T. When he was out, Neil C, batting remarkably sensibly for a man with descendent lunacy, took up partnership with G.T. to great effect, taking the score to 37 before Neil’s insanity prevailed. Enter stage Neil M sent in to bolster the scoring rate. He certainly didn’t hang about! Next in was Mark smiling gleefully as he played and missed with gay abandon, proving just what a jolly chap he is. Eventually he got to grips with the situation and gave a vital injection to the scoring rate with some lusty blows. Both he and Glenn were dismissed in quick succession in the quest for runs, for scores of 16 and 33 respectively, before Darren and Jim played out time to protect their averages. At the close a modest target of 81 had, been set but the skip was still quietly confident of getting the right result. With Steve M absent at the National 'Mr Bad Taste Midland Bank' Final and Steve L suffering from 'gay mans leg' it was left to the skip and 'Dig it in' Ditchburn to open the attack. John -playing under the alias of Andy Paul - must surely have been found out, more for his eloquence than the inappropriate accuracy of his bowling. Not once did he drop a ‘Norris’ nor an ‘Ark at it’ into the conversation and The Club now await the inevitable sanctions for fielding an unregistered player. Aided by enthusiastic fielding the oppo were restricted to 17 off the first eight overs for the loss of two wickets, one a fine catch by Neil M. Mark and Darren continued the good work, keeping the score well below the asking rate, despite Darren bowling consistently wide and getting annoyed with a perfectly fair umpire. Perseverance eventually prevailed with Darren clean bowling some Norbert with a ball that looked close to a wide. This dismissal brought in Delroy Donegal (Who!) who with a fine display of clean hitting put AOH back in the running. As the score mounted, wickets also began to tumble, with Darren picking up another and GT also striking. With three overs remaining the oppo required eighteen to win and Mark lined up to bowl two of them. Intelligent fielding starved DD from the strike allowing only one run from the first over; Two overs to go seventeen needed. Up stepped the skip for his final over and a confident first ball appeal was answered to remove the danger man, L.B.W. for 32. From then on it was plain sailing, despite some deliberate mis-fields, wild run out attempts and general tomfoolery in an attempt to make the final result even closer. With Mark’s final over hit and thrown for eight runs the AOH Innings finished eight runs short at 73-8.
Much elated whooping, some thumping of backs and slapping of thigh followed before we took sanctuary in the Bulls Head.
ANDY-SPEAK SUPPLEMENT
Ring piece - anus
Derrick - bottom
Pen Pictures
Gordon Schultz - Only one bye and another catch - Has he-got the hang of this wicket keeping lark - Another solid start to the innings.
Glenn Timms - Once more the mainstay of the innings batting remarkably well for a balding no skin.
Neil Chapman – Picked up this week’s Bad Taste Award – a hollow reward in the absence of Lewis and Martin
Neil Morrison – Excellent in the field, which made up for his misdemeanours with the willow
Mark Paine – Late again! – Hit the only Six of the day in a good all round performance
Darren Moyse – Volatile young man who must learn to curb his emotions and stop behaving like a big girls blouse when things are not going right for him
Jim Clements - Fine fielding at silly mid-on - a position for which he possesses all the necessary attributes.
John Ditchburn - Somehow managed a bouncer on a swamp of a pitch and proved an admirable replacement for the absentees.
Spud Whale - Even with four fingers he is still lethal, as he leads his merry band to a 4 and 0 record.
