Match Report
Greenwich Time Pre Final Report
Cricket Final set for 18 Sept
Rain interrupted play — a familiar refrain to any cricket-loving player or spectator this summer. So plagued by stoppages have organisers of the Council's companies cricket competition been that they have had to delay the Final. Now it is scheduled for Sunday 18 September at the Woolwich Barracks ground.
The league — with matches on weekday evenings at Charlton and Avery Hill Parks and sponsored by Ray Willis Sports Co of Swanley — got off to a roaring start, so much so that the Sports Department were predicting a doubling of the number of teams next summer from 10 to 20 . But so waterlogged did August's fixture list become that postponement of the final became inevitable.
The ten teams which did participate this year in the 20 overs limited contests were a good mix of firms, council offices and community groups. The final will be an all-Council affair, with an unbeaten team from Eltham Pools matched against a motley mob from the Leisure Department in Powis Street.
Further details from the Council's Sports Department on 854 0055, ext 6188
Sunday 18 September –v – Any Old Hirons at Woolwich Barracks (Ray Willis Trophy Final)
A fairly subdued half dozen Gays arrived at the Bull in good time to make the short trip to Woolwich for the culmination of an excellent season. Jim had the loosest bottom and elected to work and unfortunately Neil C had recovered from his broken bone to take his place in the team. With the rest of the side journeying direct we left, via the offie for bubbly and arrived in good time for the 1.30 start. The failure of the groundsman to open up allowed latecomers to appear and us to start a game with 11 eleven for the first time in the competition. With the weather promising to remain sunny for the duration, the skip on winning the toss, wary of the unreliable nature of plastic pitches elected to bowl.
The two Steve’s were entrusted with the new ball and prevented runs from the bat in an accurate spell. Gordon however, who must have been at a wild drink and drugs party the previous night, was having immense problems focusing on the ball, allowing two deliveries through to the boundary. Steve M made the initial breakthrough and picked up the other opener finishing with 2-13 from his six overs. Darren replaced Steve L and immediately settled into his smooth rhythm of long hops and wides and Spud provided a rich variety of variety with an abundance of full tosses and short crap. Darren finally found a straight bail in his repertoire bringing the arrival of Delroy. A flourishing partnership was broken by the skip, who had switched to bowling half volleys, by a well taken catch from Dave Spence at mid-on. For the remainder of the innings Mr Donegal pushed the total along steadily but wickets fell at regular intervals and a remarkable finish to Steve L’s spell rendered him helpless at the Non- Strikers end. Steve ripped through the tail, bagging a Hat-Trick to remove the final three rabbits and deprive Delroy from facing the final over.
A fine tea was taken and we sat contemplating the runs that got away, knowing we had set ourselves a stiff task. Gordon and Dave gave us a reasonable start, before 'Paddle bat' Schultz was bowled and Neil C made his usual nonsensical contribution to leave us reeling at 12-2. The Skip aging noticeably was relieved to see sanity restored through a sensible and fruitful stand between Dave and Tedious. Dave was eventually out for a fine 39 and this was obviously a signal to the extremely 'neutral' umpires to sway the balance of play back towards AOH. Firstly Noskin was adjudged L.B.W. to a wide leg-side ball (In hindsight an excellent decision) and then Steve L was given out in similar circumstances. With Neil M emulating his name sakes efforts with a golden duck, the skip again wore a haggard Iook. Responsibility rested squarely on Darren’s shoulders and for once he didn’t let us down. With the run rate not a problem the scoreboard again began to tick over with Spud ably backing the free scoring Daz. Just when all looked safe, with Darren and Spud having mastered the art of scoring runs whilst keeping the legs right out of the way, a rush of blood brought the demise of Moysey for 45; the score 110. The quaking figure of Mark Paine emerged and having spent most of the innings nervously swigging lager, he took a few deliveries before he put bat to ball. Finally after a couple of quick singles Mark sent the ball into the outfield for a well run three. Requiring one for victory, Spud swept a loose ball to the boundary. There was much slapping of thigh.
Euphoric scenes involving clucking, a cocktail of Guinness and cheap plonk finally abated to allow the presentation of the trophy. The skipper apparently looking like a sweaty Irish Dosser joyfully collected the trophy.
Greenwich Time Final Report
Flying stumps
It was touch and go until just before the end of the final of the first-ever Companies Cricket Competition, held on 18 September at the Woolwich Barracks grounds. Stumps were flying every-where despite a warm relatively cloudless day as the Gay Crusaders, a Greenwich-based football team, eased past Any Old Hirons from the Council's Leisure Services Department to win by three wickets in the 30 overs match.
Heroes of the day for the winners were Steve Lewis who took four wickets for 18 runs off six overs, including a hat trick. Darren Moyse with 45, and Ian Morrison (Dave Spence) with 39, were high scorers in the team's 119 for seven. Delroy Donegal batted steadily for 63 n o to lead the Council team, and took 3 wickets for 32 runs in the outstanding all-round performance. John Bryce helped out with 3 for 16.
Steve Whale, who works at Eltham Pools and was a member of the winning team, said he thought it had been really enjoyable.
For details of next year's competition, contact lain Ackhurst (who played for the losers), on 854 0055, ext 6186 or write to the Sports Department, 147 Powis Street, SE18.
Darren Moyse - Man of the Match - Picked up most of his runs while the oppo were sleeping, through sheer boredom.
Glenn Timms - Got hammered about by Delroy and was rightly given out L.B.W. for 0. About as much use as Neil Chapman on a good day!
Neil Morrison -Third duck of the day -Must have been unlucky cos he's bigger than me
Steve Lewis -Claimed second hat-trick in Crusaders history at a vital stage, possibly saving us 36 with the prospect of GT bowling the last over – Sulked because Darren scored a lot of runs - Another excellent umpiring decision.
Spud Whale -Hit the winning runs for a victory he never doubted? -Much! - Bowled like Mark without the wickets.
Mark Paine - Had problems handling the pressure and spent most of the day heavily engrossed in a can of lager - Rose to the crisis after stern mid-wicket talking to from the skip.
Simon Grater-I didn’t even know he was playing until I heard him in the Bull - A member of the team nethertheless - Who writes this rubbish?
Steve Martin -Best bowler of the day, confirming his place at the top of the averages - His abounding faith in the side was apparent when he found time to attend a christening in the middle of the game. Steve went for a drink – and there were witnesses
Jim Clements - 12th Man -Seemed to age dramatically when he discovered the result - Maybe he will have the nerve to play next year instead of arranging to work
Statistical Bullshit Analysis
From the Ray Willis Averages and Statistics we can garner the following information;
Neil Chapman is totally useless - what we already knew is now soundly backed concise statistical evidence.
Kevin Gibson is the most attacking player in the team and is also most likely to take a wicket (1 every 6 balls) These figures do not take into account the fact that we would probably run out of room on the scoresheet if he were allowed a lengthy spell.
Facts can be deceptive, as shown by Darren Moyse's 49% of runs in boundaries, which appear to show him as an attacking, flamboyant batsman, when everyone knows he accumulates the majority of his score by boring the opposing side to sleep until they are incapable of preventing his forward defensive shots reaching the boundary.
Dave Spence is the most economical of the bowling attack and also top of the Six hitting table with 5.
You will have to wait a long time before you see Noskin Timms take a wicket; in fact you are more likely to see him get out for 0 in the Ray Willis Trophy Final.
Spud topped the wicket takers, runs scored in boundaries and total aggregate runs; figures that were never in doubt from the start of the competition.
Darren gave away the most runs and was fortunate not to go through the hundred runs mark, due to some generous umpiring of his wides. Maybe one day he will grow up and stop sulking when he bowls badly – would do well to learn from the attitude of Markie Paine when he drops a catch.
Andy Paul took two wickets making him appear a useful bowler. What figures fail to show are; who his victims are, how he got them and that Andy is a complete Norbert.
Finally, what the figures do show is that Glenn McMahon is a total waste of everybody’s time, Jim did us all a favour by arranging to work on the day of the Final and that Neil Morrison is still bigger than me, so I won’t mention his 4.80 batting average and run-a-ball bowling efforts.
End of Season Player Profiles
Gordon Schultz -Ever present in the side, with a top score of 42 and particularly noted for his impromptu juggling displays which incurred interest from several circus companies. Finished top of the catchers with 7 and spent most of the season attempting to perfect the late cut, with little success.
Andy Paul -Due to heavy commitments at the corner-shop Andy was unable contribute a great deal- thank goodness for small mercies - He did come down from a drink/drugs cocktail in time to produce the ball of the season - the now legendary three bounce yorker
Neil Chapman -Tried valiantly to be good at something by wearing lairy clothing but didn’t count on the competition of Steve M & L. - Had his bowling severely hammered and his small successes were greeted by heavy beatings.
Steve Martin -Convincingly- won the bad taste award, despite only wearing the 70’s Brown Suit for half the season - Bowled and batted soundly and was seen in the Greyhound after the final! Was it a mirage?
Dave Spence - Acquired from Bethlem in mid-season exchange for one of Neil C’s close family - Regular opener with Gordon, having a particular liking for six-hitting - Heavy critic of Southern Ale but keen to complete the Circle Line crawl.
Neil Morrison -Turned his arm over with two wicket success and donned the Wicket Keeping gloves,with his only notable achievement being a Sumo body slam on Steve L - Still wanted by Eltham constabulary for incidents involving an Avery Hill groundsman.
John Ditchburn -Far too gentlemanly even for this type of cricket – Didn’t want to get any one out in case they got upset - Managed a bouncer on a pitch that was like a marsh.
JimClements -Proved a useful bowler when we had time to see the completion of one of his ten to fifteen ball overs – Picked up a couple of catches and scored very few runs – Offered sound advice to Nathan
Nathan Probets – Fortunately didn’t listen to Jim and consequently proved to be a useful member of the team
Simon Grater – Gave away an alarming amount of runs; the antithesis of his wallet
Mark Paine - Spent nearly all of the games sulking over dropped catches or bad bowling -Took time off to take 10 wickets including the non pitching swinging yorker and relished eating the scabs off Neil C’s leg –Missed only one game through 'Girlies back!
Steve Lewis -Survived early season scare of almost being shot as an escaped Rhino, to record the second Crusader hat-trick of all time in the final. Tried to introduce the googly into his bowling repertoire and got hammered. Enjoyed celebrating a la Curtley
Darren Moyse - Gave away the most runs often claiming the pitch was too long to explain the long hops. Admitted in confidentiality that he had Gay tendencies and joined Mark in regular sulking sessions.
Steve Moore -Probably did more than Neil C in one game – That’s not hard!
Simon Horner -Drafted into side courtesy of the Tax office with impressive results.
Kevin Gibson -His bowling caused two of the oppo to be institutionalised. Used the elastic from his underpants for a boundary in a couple of games
Glen Timms -Suffered an identity crisis, believing that he was a cross between Bishen Bedi, Viv Richards and Nigel Hatch - Had the problem slapped out of him -Lack of skin meant he scored 0 in the final.
Glenn McMahon -The man’s absurd!
Pete Stepp -Looked quite good - probably why he only played once for us!
Spud Whale -Waits intently for inevitable England call-up for the corning tour of India. A 10 and 0 season can’t be ignored! - Lasted the whole competition without being bowled behind his legs despite constant abuse and calls for resignation.
